Multiple research findings have shown that trust plays the major part in building productive educational communities. It is a binding substance that allows all partners to work in tandem. However, trust often doesn’t come on its own. The reason trust between schools and families is hard to establish is rooted in one far-reaching underlying belief that affects our behaviors and perspectives: schools and families are on the opposite sides of the educational systems.

1. If you are not one of us, you are against us.

This is very important to understand. We, as human beings, are wired to defend what we see as ours and dismiss what we think is not. We also tend to identify ourselves with some groups and tend to reject and even exhibit aggression toward other groups. When we believe that parents and teachers are reading from different books when it comes to education, there is natural tension every time we interact.

2. Education of this child is either my or your responsibility.

Some parents (and perhaps, cultures) believe that education is a responsibility of schools, and families should just care for a child’s physical and emotional needs. Some individuals claim that schools should be responsible for not only teaching math and reading but also instilling manners, good citizenship, kindness, and similar qualities and attributes that have traditionally been nurtured at home. "What are they teaching you at school nowadays?" is a familiar phrase. This creates an impossible expectation, and when it is not met, schools lose their credibility in the eyes of these parents.

On the other hand, some families believe that no one knows their children as well as they do and only they should guide their child's education. This leads to an automatic rejection of anything that doesn’t align to their beliefs about their children. In both cases, parents often take the word of their child over that of an educator, aggressively confront teachers, and openly admit that they don’t trust them.

Teachers, of course, might believe that they are trained professionals and parents should just let them teach without any input or question. As a result, in any disagreement, they become defensive and withdrawn. The walls between schools and families are growing only higher.

3. It is personal

When we don't see each other as same-team players, we tend to see the worst in each other's actions and intentions. At times, parents discount reports from teachers about their children’s negative behaviors or learning difficulties because they perceive them as teachers' criticism of their parenting skills. Similarly, teachers might feel that their expertise is challenged if parents suggest that some things don't work for their child at school.

Parents may be right or wrong, but so may be teachers. If they both want best for the same child, however, neither educators nor parents should be afraid to give and receive feedback on what works or doesn’t work in the learning process.

The bottom line.

A human body is powered by the brain, wired to align everything within us to function. If we need to move our body in a certain direction, the brain commands both legs to move in that same direction and then stop - both and at the same time.

Families and schools are the two legs that carry out children's education and learning. Yet, we allow ourselves to think of the other leg as a separate entity that we need to overpower and outsmart. Only together, combining unique vantage points, schools and families can establish true expertise in educating each child.

False Beliefs that Erode Trust Between Schools and Families

Arina Bokas

Enabling to Succeed: Partnerships for Gifted and Talented Learners

Free Education Resources To Share with Families

School Leader Check List: Why Families Don't Trust District Surveys?

Who Controls a Learning Environment: Schools or Families?

Re-Framing a Learning Environment

Educational Evolution: Nurturing the Self

What does our system of education tell us about ourselves?